Relapse

I didn't want to do it.

I've been so good for so long...

I swear I didn't want to do it, but I just didn't seem to have any choice.

It was the weekend, I was away from home...

You know, I didn't even have to say anything about it; no one would've known, except the people who were with me - my husband and my daughter (and in my own defense, I didn't give her any.)

If it helps, I didn't enjoy it. I hated myself the whole time. I even thought I was going to be sick.

Lord, please give me the strength not to do it again.

.

It happened like this:
We were in Muleshoe, coming back from taking his sister and her kids home to Clovis, and we were hungry, and didn't have a lot of money to spend. So...

(I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry)

...we went to McDonald's.

We looked for a Dairy Queen - we did! But the only one in town was closed down. Our other choices were Sonic (too expensive), Pizza Hut (takes too long), or Leal's (too expensive and takes too long).

It was horrible; I almost gagged on every bite - even the soda didn't taste good to me. The whole experience reminded me of when I quit smoking: all of a sudden every time I took a drag off a cigarette, I could just feel all that junk going into my body, and it was disgusting. It didn't take me long to quit, and before long after that I couldn't even stand the smell of cigarette smoke - and I stll can't. Same thing with the Big Mac I found myself choking down. The taste, the smell, even the texture of it, plus the knowledge of what I'd just given my money to - it was sickening, and I devoutly hope that I never have to go into one of those red-and-yellow buildings again.