Perspectives

Watching the Pixar Shorts with Emily (she calls them "the little movies.") I love their ability to breathe life and personality into an ordinary object, like a desk lamp.

I always admire people who have the ability to look at everyday things in a different way, and to see beyond what is visible. It's a skill I'm constantly trying to sharpen for myself.

Of course, one sure way to force a shift in perspective is to hang out with a small child. We were playing this morning with some of Emily's play food; from the other room I heard Emily tell Ken "You have a donut on your head." In what world, other than the mind of a child, would that statement be made so matter-of-factly?

Work In Progress

Sample from the "painting" that I've been working on for the past couple days.
No idea what the finished product will look like yet.

The colors are inspired by watching the sun come up behind Mt. Hood.

Changes

The past year has brought a lot of changes for me and my family: changes in employment and status, a change of location, time zone, climate... Sister Hazel's song "Change Your Mind" would make an appropriate theme song (if only the past year had been as filled with uplift and optimism as the song is!)

Like most times of change it has been painful, full of fear and resentment, and I'm glad it's over.

Several of my friends have pointed out the obvious fact that January 1 is not a magical day; that the practice of making Resolutions at the New Year is a questionable one - why should we limit ourselves to one day of striving for better things? I get that, and I do agree that we should set both long- and short-term goals throughout the year, and re-think them as often as necessary, not just once a year.

Still, it's hard to face a new year without hoping for better things. Conscious changes have to begin somewhere, and New Year's Day is as good a place to start as any. I like the idea that we're all standing together at our own starting lines, waiting for the gun (which sounds a lot like the "pop" of a bottle of sparkling wine at midnight.) We're all running our own races, but we're starting together - me, and my friends - at least the ones who still believe in New Year's magic - and all the people out there that I don't know and may never meet. I like the idea of joining in a ritual that is shared by so many.

For me, this year will be about getting acclimated to the Northwest. I look forward to learning more about the ways and habits of Portland and adapting them to my own lifestyle. I was excited about moving here, and I love it here - but the longer I live here, the more I discover how much of a Southerner I really am.

I want to start painting again. I started a new project last night, and had a great time working on it. I want to get back to all my artwork: painting, digital, all of it. I want to start classes again, preferably at the Art Institute here in Portland; Ken really wants me to start again right away, but I want to make sure we can pay our regular bills before I start worrying about affording books and software. I also want to get back into the habit of journaling - this blog has been very neglected, and I want to re-work it and try to find a new theme. I am going to try to write something every day, whether online or on paper. Just something.

I'm sure there will be more changes ahead. Maybe before another year is over, I will again be able to look forward to change.

My 43 Things

1. finish college / 3321 people
2. be a set designer / 2 people
3. learn to make hollandaise sauce / 2 people
4. conserve water / 18 people
5. drink more water / 19720 people
6. Make a living doing something I love / 74 people
7. See Cirque du Soleil / 258 people
8. learn gaelic / 598 people
9. stand on the stage of the Sydney Opera House / 1 person
10. learn to be more communicative with my husband / 1 person
11. bake my own bread / 67 people
12. stop taking everything personally / 7 people
13. go back to budapest / 6 people
14. Sell a painting / 378 people
15. try absinthe / 302 people
16. sing "Love, Unrequited, Robs Me Of My Rest" for an audition / 1 person
17. find out why a bottle/can opener is called a church key / 1 person
18. take vacations / 6 people
19. make Christmas stockings for my family / 3 people
20. have a job where I can dye my hair pink if I want / 1 person
21. get all the books on my Amazon wish list / 1 person
22. find more inspiration / 3 people
23. drive an art car / 1 person
24. Make people laugh / 591 people
25. Teach my daughter to love books / 5 people
26. travel / 7852 people
27. Never eat McDonald's again / 141 people
28. have a great kitchen / 4 people
29. be more reliable / 70 people
30. improve my chess game / 23 people
31. learn more about other religions and belief systems / 1 person
32. collect beautiful things from all over the world / 1 person
33. participate in a protest / 352 people
34. visit cities that are known for their food / 1 person
35. be able to sing "Its The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)" / 1 person
36. Build my dream home / 260 people
37. unpack within six months of my next move / 1 person
38. learn to keep a clean house / 1 person
39. live on Klickitat Street / 1 person
40. learn how to use Adobe Dreamweaver / 2 people
41. learn to make stained glass / 141 people
42. Learn to GRAFFITI / 47 people
43. wear a sari / 16 people

I Love This Town

Doodley-Doo

I Want This Job!

No, not road construction.

But somebody got paid to make a line drawing of a cotton field,
so they could cast it in concrete for the retaining wall of this new overpass.

Who gets to do that job, and where do I sign up??

White Knuckles

I'm feeling a lot like I felt six years ago.

I might need to have another conversation with myself,
but...I'm a little afraid of what I'd say.

I keep reminding myself that this job is NOT the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I'm thinking a lot these days...

Most of it is stuff that I can't say out loud.

I am close to drowning. I'm keeping it together, and I think if I can make it into next month I might be okay. That's what I keep telling myself, anyway.

My co-manager quit last Monday, with two hours' notice. She just left. (In all fairness, she gave notice that her last day would be on the 30th...it was our boss who told her to go ahead and go.) They're not hiring a replacement for her. So the work that has traditionally taken two people 40 hours and then some each week, is now all mine. And I am NOT organized enough to juggle it all at the moment - even though everyone else in the office seems very sure that I'll do just fine. I'm getting by right now on sheer panic and adrenaline.

I feel a little like Peter trying to walk across the water. If I stopped and looked down, and took a moment to realize just how far I'm in over my head, I'd crash and burn right there. Luckily, unlike Peter, I don't have time to stop and look down.

End-of-the-month notes are due, and they're not ready. I'm going to have to bring them home if they're going to get turned in on time...but I've got a birthday party on Saturday and friends coming over for the Superbowl on Sunday.

If I can just get this thing organized, I'll survive. If I can just find time to sit down and figure out how to get it organized...

Big Bang

We exist to bear witness
We had to be
The infinite needs us to see it
Without the perceiver
The perceived does not exist
That gives us leverage
Don't look until you get what you want.

                                                --Chuck Lorre