1 med to large bunch spinach leaves
Colander or strainer
1 med to large skillet
1 1/2 cups (approx.) cottonseed oil
A spatula
Newspapers or paper towels, to drain
Large stockpot, filled with water
1-2 cups baking soda
1 sponge mop
1-2 sous chefs or spectators
A well-ventilated kitchen
Go through the bunch of spinach, pulling off the stems and placing the leaves into your colander - discarding any wilted, yellow, or otherwise not-so-tasty looking ones. Rinse well, then drain as thoroughly as possible.
Heat the cottonseed oil in the skillet; oil should fill skillet to about an inch deep, or about halfway. To test the oil, drop a small drop of water into the skillet; if it immediately sizzles and pops, the oil is ready. (Pay close attention to this phenomenon; it will be important later in the cooking process.)
Take a single, large spinach leaf and carefully drop it into the hot oil. It should sizzle and pop just like the drop of water did, only more so. Let it cook for about twenty seconds, then use your spatula to remove it to the newspaper or paper towel. Sprinkle with salt, and allow to cool before tasting. The spinach should have retained its dark green color, but it will now be very crispy, almost paper-like. Take a bite, then offer a bite to your sous chefs or spectators and see what everybody thinks. The flavor and texture may take a moment to grow on you.
Once everybody agrees that fried spinach is surprisingly tasty, you have the go-ahead to continue cooking the rest of the batch. Therefore, take a handful of the spinach and drop it into the cooking oil, then back away quickly, taking care not to let the tower of flame from the splashed oil, which will ignite on the stovetop, singe your eyebrows off.
(Remember that sizzling and popping? Yeah, spinach has a lot of water in it, especially if it's just been washed. When all that water hits all that hot oil, it should create a shower that could rival Buckingham Fountain. When all that hot oil hits the burner on your stovetop, it should catch fire in a fairly spectacular fashion.)
Quickly pull the skillet off the burner and set aside, taking care not to splash yourself with too much of the boiling oil, so that you can turn your full attention to the column of flame licking your kitchen ceiling. You may at this point choose to either scream or say a few swear words of your choice. This is purely optional.
Use your spatula to attempt to put out the flames by whapping at them futilely. Then try to extinguish the fire by covering it with a metal bowl. During this process, you may choose to let your sous chefs/spectators take over the job of screaming and/or swearing, but feel free to continue yourself if you wish.
When neither of the above methods for controlling the fire is successful, think about that stockpot full of water. You should be aware that putting water on a grease fire is never recommended, but don't let this stop you from wondering if the sheer volume of water available might just drown the thing out, regardless.
Before you grab the stockpot and potentially kill yourself by sliding across the kitchen floor, which is now covered with splashed oil, and landing head-first on the flaming stovetop, one of your sous chefs/spectators should choose this moment to remember that baking soda is what's recommended for this type of fire, and that there is a canister of it within easy reach. Find the baking soda and sprinkle it liberally on the fire, which should then go away.
(By now, your smoke alarm should be going off. If not, make a note that you need a new 9-volt battery. The dogs, if you have any, should be barking hysterically. If you do not have dogs, I recommend that you go out and get some, or borrow a couple from your neighbors, before starting this recipe - they add a lot to the cooking experience!)
Once the fire is out, wipe off the stovetop, put the skillet on another burner, and carefully continue cooking the spinach a few leaves at a time, putting them on the newspaper to drain and sprinkling them with salt soon after they are out of the oil. When the whole batch is done, and when the smoke alarm has stopped screaming and one or both of your sous chefs/spectators have recovered from their terror-induced paralysis, divide the fried spinach onto plates along with the rest of your meal - which will now be stone-cold.
Sprinkle a little malt vinegar over the spinach before eating. Find the room in the house that is least filled with smoke, sit down, and enjoy!
Afterwards, use the mop to clean the kitchen floor, to minimize the potential for broken body parts later, when someone tries to go to the kitchen for a midnight snack. Also, be sure to add "Kitchen Fire Extinguisher" to your shopping list.
