Silent Night

Emily and I got home from Group a little while ago, and I'm just kind of sitting here and enjoying some down-time. I've thought a couple of times that I should turn on some music, but I haven't done it yet. Instead I'm sitting in the quiet, listening to all the sounds that bleed through from outside this room:

• "Clair de Lune" playing in Emily's room
• Someone going up and down the hall on what sounds like a Segway
• Cars and trucks speeding past on the highway outside
• And an obnoxiously loud, fast motorcycle - the kind that always makes me wonder what the rider is compensating for...

Almost Home

The Expo Center MAX station; last stop on the Yellow Line.

Walk The Walk

Been watching Food Network today. They have a new commercial that features Poe's song "Walk The Walk." That was the song (and the album) I had on repeat when I was doing the Batik painting.

I've slacked off a bit the last couple days. There's been a lot of stress, and it's left me feeling a little flat. But I know that if I want to call myself an artist, and really make a go of it, I'm going to have to do some work. I can't expect the inspiration and the ability to just be there when I want it, if I don't put some effort into it. It's a problem I've had my whole life - laziness and lack of discipline, especially with things that come easily to me.

So, new goal: put something on paper every day. Doodle, sketch, draw, paint, whatever. Gotta keep working...or the couch potato will take over!

Working

I've always treated painting as a luxury - a leisure activity that I couldn't indulge in unless everything else was done. When the dishes and the laundry were taken care of, when the house was clean, when everything else and everybody else had been tended to - then I would allow myself to paint. Except I almost never got to that point, and on the rare occasions when I did, all I wanted to do was go to bed! Meanwhile I searched for the answer to "What do I wanna be when I grow up?" because I was always very sure that I couldn't make a living as an artist. Now I find myself in a place where people all around me are making their livings as artists. I don't have a day job, and I'm left with nothing but time. All my excuses for not painting - everything that kept me from it - all gone. I remember my Granddad telling me once, years ago, that if I didn't find some way to use the artistic ability that I'd been given, it would be a real waste - and he was one of the smartest people I've ever known. Could it be that the thing I love to do is actually what I'm supposed to be doing? I don't know, but I no longer have anything keeping me from finding out.

This is just an exercise I'm working on, practicing lines & techniques, that kind of thing. It probably won't turn out to be anything, but it's fun to work on.

Page 47

Through three cheese trees
three free fleas flew.
While these fleas flew,
freezy breeze blew.
Freezy breeze made
these three trees freeze.
Freezy trees made
these trees' cheese freeze.
That's what made these
three free fleas sneeze.


- from "Fox In Socks"

by Dr. Seuss

Rin-Tin-Tin, or Anne Boleyn?

So I dreamed last night that Blues Traveler was in town and I was helping them set up for a performance in some little-bitty community-center kind of venue. For some reason, just as the show was getting started, John Popper had to do something in another room, and he told me to go ahead and start it off! So the guys in the band were playing and I was on stage, microphone in hand, and I couldn't keep up at all - I didn't know the lyrics well enough to sing, without having them printed in front of me. I couldn't even fake it - it was awful!

More Doodles

Perspectives

Watching the Pixar Shorts with Emily (she calls them "the little movies.") I love their ability to breathe life and personality into an ordinary object, like a desk lamp.

I always admire people who have the ability to look at everyday things in a different way, and to see beyond what is visible. It's a skill I'm constantly trying to sharpen for myself.

Of course, one sure way to force a shift in perspective is to hang out with a small child. We were playing this morning with some of Emily's play food; from the other room I heard Emily tell Ken "You have a donut on your head." In what world, other than the mind of a child, would that statement be made so matter-of-factly?

Work In Progress

Sample from the "painting" that I've been working on for the past couple days.
No idea what the finished product will look like yet.

The colors are inspired by watching the sun come up behind Mt. Hood.

Changes

The past year has brought a lot of changes for me and my family: changes in employment and status, a change of location, time zone, climate... Sister Hazel's song "Change Your Mind" would make an appropriate theme song (if only the past year had been as filled with uplift and optimism as the song is!)

Like most times of change it has been painful, full of fear and resentment, and I'm glad it's over.

Several of my friends have pointed out the obvious fact that January 1 is not a magical day; that the practice of making Resolutions at the New Year is a questionable one - why should we limit ourselves to one day of striving for better things? I get that, and I do agree that we should set both long- and short-term goals throughout the year, and re-think them as often as necessary, not just once a year.

Still, it's hard to face a new year without hoping for better things. Conscious changes have to begin somewhere, and New Year's Day is as good a place to start as any. I like the idea that we're all standing together at our own starting lines, waiting for the gun (which sounds a lot like the "pop" of a bottle of sparkling wine at midnight.) We're all running our own races, but we're starting together - me, and my friends - at least the ones who still believe in New Year's magic - and all the people out there that I don't know and may never meet. I like the idea of joining in a ritual that is shared by so many.

For me, this year will be about getting acclimated to the Northwest. I look forward to learning more about the ways and habits of Portland and adapting them to my own lifestyle. I was excited about moving here, and I love it here - but the longer I live here, the more I discover how much of a Southerner I really am.

I want to start painting again. I started a new project last night, and had a great time working on it. I want to get back to all my artwork: painting, digital, all of it. I want to start classes again, preferably at the Art Institute here in Portland; Ken really wants me to start again right away, but I want to make sure we can pay our regular bills before I start worrying about affording books and software. I also want to get back into the habit of journaling - this blog has been very neglected, and I want to re-work it and try to find a new theme. I am going to try to write something every day, whether online or on paper. Just something.

I'm sure there will be more changes ahead. Maybe before another year is over, I will again be able to look forward to change.

My 43 Things

1. finish college / 3321 people
2. be a set designer / 2 people
3. learn to make hollandaise sauce / 2 people
4. conserve water / 18 people
5. drink more water / 19720 people
6. Make a living doing something I love / 74 people
7. See Cirque du Soleil / 258 people
8. learn gaelic / 598 people
9. stand on the stage of the Sydney Opera House / 1 person
10. learn to be more communicative with my husband / 1 person
11. bake my own bread / 67 people
12. stop taking everything personally / 7 people
13. go back to budapest / 6 people
14. Sell a painting / 378 people
15. try absinthe / 302 people
16. sing "Love, Unrequited, Robs Me Of My Rest" for an audition / 1 person
17. find out why a bottle/can opener is called a church key / 1 person
18. take vacations / 6 people
19. make Christmas stockings for my family / 3 people
20. have a job where I can dye my hair pink if I want / 1 person
21. get all the books on my Amazon wish list / 1 person
22. find more inspiration / 3 people
23. drive an art car / 1 person
24. Make people laugh / 591 people
25. Teach my daughter to love books / 5 people
26. travel / 7852 people
27. Never eat McDonald's again / 141 people
28. have a great kitchen / 4 people
29. be more reliable / 70 people
30. improve my chess game / 23 people
31. learn more about other religions and belief systems / 1 person
32. collect beautiful things from all over the world / 1 person
33. participate in a protest / 352 people
34. visit cities that are known for their food / 1 person
35. be able to sing "Its The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)" / 1 person
36. Build my dream home / 260 people
37. unpack within six months of my next move / 1 person
38. learn to keep a clean house / 1 person
39. live on Klickitat Street / 1 person
40. learn how to use Adobe Dreamweaver / 2 people
41. learn to make stained glass / 141 people
42. Learn to GRAFFITI / 47 people
43. wear a sari / 16 people