My life is running on "essential functions only" right now, and everything's gotten to be just a little too much. I'm tired, not physically but emotionally. This weekend was very, very hard. I learned a lot - cried a lot - and I'm still sorting through what's left of what I thought I knew, or felt, about anything.
I'm trying to write about all this because I know it's good for me to get it out of my brain, but I don't really know what to say, or where to begin, and nothing is making a lot of sense to me just now. And I have a hard time believing that anybody out there really cares that I'm mourning the loss of a friend who isn't mourning the loss of me. Or that I'm having to learn to let go of someone I love (again) because talking to him hurts me. Or that I'm so tired, and so close to a breaking point, that it's hard to even enjoy the good things in my life - like all my wonderful friends, and the new house that I'm about to move into. I love spending time with the other girls, and they really have kept me sane during the last few days, and I'm so thankful for them...but as soon as I get to work, or on my way to whatever I have to do next, I get overwhelmed again so easily, and it's really discouraging. I just want to shut down for a day or so, hide from everybody and everything, and sleep so I won't have to think, and wake up to a new version of reality that's already all sorted out and settled into place.
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